Things people don’t find funny

Baby launching

Anal beer puns

Mankinis

OG’s Fairy Balanced Review of Absolute’s July 2 Pro-Am show

Darryl Pervis – MC

Good stuff, the crowd warmed to his self-deprecating loser shtick pretty quickly, some quick and sharp spritzing got the audience firing on all cylinders; it would take a pretty talentless hack to fail with a room that well prepped.

Oliver Gross

And I was just the talentless hack to do it! They hated me like I was trying to sell them land in Florida, I did manage to dig myself out of one hole only to fall into another. My biggest laugh came from a throwaway bit about the vomit and Canadian flags littering the Market after Canada Day. Easily my worst AC set ever.

Paul Balyot

New guy from Montreal (at least to me) an excellent stage presence and charisma, some chraming stuff about being a Canadian Pilipino with a Jewish boss. My enjoyment of his set collapsed when he started doing jokes I know I’ve heard before. Like “Jew” vs. “Jewish” (Jon Stewart has a few bits that beat that horse dead) and worse, the naked men in the gym bit (Tim Allen’s book “Don’t Stand Too Close to a Naked Man”) complete using the mic as a swinging dick then dragging it on the floor to represent the black guy. The audience ate it right up of course, applause breaks a plenty but still he needs to get some fresh material, he’s got the stage chops, half the war has been won.

Brent Cassidy

While he did better than I did the stool and mic stand could make the same claim, less shocking and more wit is what I think his act need. They were an oooey crowd but it seemed that the majority of big reactions came in the form of “OOooohhhh” rather than laughs.

Two Loons

I’ve managed to miss their sets every time I’ve been on a show with them, I had a sneaking suspicion that I knew what it was anyway; ballad style songs counter-pointing raunchy lyrics and I was right. They were surprisingly unpolished at times is about the worst I can say but the best I can say is that they didn’t suck. It’s just that the “Flight of the Conchords” has pretty much laid waist to the genre, you can’t do anything without being compared to or even accused of being them. They may want to try for something different; Bruce Mccullough’s “Shame Based Man” or “Radio Free Vestibule” are examples of pushing musical comedy into new directions.

Melissa Morse

A fantastic set, applause breaks on pretty much every bit, even the weird crazy shit that flew over the audience’s head like a unicorn shitting rainbow elves got laughs. They may not have known why they were laughing but on some level they knew it was funny. Melissa has always been good but that set was easily the best.

Alex Wood

Just destroyed the place so nothing new, for the last three weeks his sets have been on a steady rising arc. While there wasn’t anything new he’s added new tags and expanded on various established bits. Google v. God most notably where he’s added a colour commentary (don’t worry God fans, he’s catching up!)

Carrie Gaetz

Asked Jeff if she could do a “tight three minutes”. Jeff replied “Oh yeah, you’re well know for going under you time.” Let’s face it, she would have spent three minutes telling the crowd she only had three minutes. The only thing Carrie can do in three minutes is a pitcher.

Jay Malone – Headliner

Because I’m a loser with a day job I couldn’t stick around to watch his set so I will assume he did well, gonna try and catch him on the weekend.

What?

Sugar Sammy (India/Canada) who has been voted the number one stand-up comedian for the last three years in Canada

Um… I don’t remember that election….

In his hometown of Montreal, Sugar Sammy has been voted the number one stand-up for the last three years by the readers of The Montreal Mirror, Montreal’s Premier Arts, and Entertainment Weekly.

Ah.

Last Laugh Resort

Toronto’s Laugh Resort comedy club closes this week

It’s no joke: after 18 years the Laugh Resort is hosting its final shows next Saturday. Located in the Holiday Inn on King St., the hotel has been bought by the Hyatt chain, which is renovating the entire facility. Now it’s time for the basement floor where the club is located to begin its makeover.

snip

The Laugh Resort was initially located next to the Old Firehall, which was at that time occupied by Second City. A much larger space, Laugh Resort used to book acts like Ray Romano, Adam Sandler and Ellen Degeneres. In 2000, it moved to the Holiday Inn location. The club allowed independent comics to perform, as opposed to places like Yuk Yuk’s that want exclusive deals with comedians.

Without the Laugh Resort, independent comedians’ main alternative to the four Yuk Yuk’s GTA locations is Absolute Comedy at Yonge and Eglinton.

Comedy in Canada, like the Sith there can only be two.

Comedians in the news

A good piece on Nikki Payne’s recent pains in the career.

Don Kelly continues to milk the native thing.

Jason Rouse provides health tips.

No, that last one is not going to lead to a “Rick Astley” video.

Bye George

You were always one of the greats.

My Comedy is Like Pizza

The product is weakened by the delivery

The thing that holds me back in stand-up; the stuff I write is funny of that I’m certain so at least on paper I can do the job but when it comes time to go from the theoretical to the practical it loses something. Like a pizza fresh out of the oven vs. the one that Habib drops off, yeah you’ll eat it but it’s not as good as it was because it sat in the back seat of his station wagon for 45 minutes while he yelled at his girlfriend over his headset.

I’ve always been aware of the problem as well as others, in fact I’ve had everyone from full-time pros and managers to fellow amateurs and hobos on the street tell me so. Good writing hamstrung by ham fisted delivery is the hurdle I need to clear if I’m ever going to get my own show on the APTN or be allowed to re-write and perform a beer commercial for the Senators.

So how to do it? I’m not really sure, I feel a bit like Homer Simpson in the episode where the FBI tries to give him a new identity; it just won’t take. Every time I try to be “me” on stage, that is a natural delivery, it just doesn’t work, “me” simply refuses to show. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve said something really funny offstage and thought “Why the hell can’t I sound like that when I’m on?”

And it’s not even what people hear, there’s a mental space, a groove that I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling, when you know you are being 100% funny, that every cell in your body is harmoniously hysterical and every word, tone and mannerism the exact right one to elicit spontaneous and genuine laughter from anything human within a sixteen foot radius. It’s lightening in a bottle and the real comedians are the ones who can uncork it anytime and anyplace they feel like it.

Can that be learned or even grown into while still looking and feeling like a natural talent?

I think so because I’ve seen it happen, most notable with Tracy McDonald. I remember the first time I noticed; she was telling the same jokes she always told (I’m so fat! I’m so from the East Coast! I’m so drunk!) but the delivery suddenly was different, it was natural, the nuance was “right” for her as a person and a comedian and the material, somehow. It’s something I’ve thought about but still can’t quantify. It was like watching a TV for years and then someone adjusting the sharpness a percent or two and then suddenly the image was clean and sharp and we realize what we had taken as good was really an inferior representation. That slight knob twist made a world of difference, so how to twist my own knob? (ba-dah-bum! Huh? Huh? See what I did there?)

My other issue is that my material has an underlying inconsistency of self-deprecation followed by vicious attack on someone or something else. That’s usually on purpose, my theory being the audience will let me get away with being mean to others because I’m also mean to myself but maybe that’s the wrong way to go; that the audience wants consistency rather than balance.

Well I’m on at least one stage every week for pretty much the rest of the summer so I’ll have lots of time to chew it over and experiment but I think what I really need is a button of peyote, a desert and Jim Morrison to vision quest me to my stand-up Nirvana. Sadly this is Ottawa so all I can hope for is a joint of hydroponics, Lebreton Flats and Brad Lyons.

A review where the headline says it all

The Love Guru is a comedy like the Leafs are a hockey team

Oh Mike, what happened man?

Woot!

Fans of the Great White North can take heart and take off! Again.

Bob and Doug McKenzie will soon be among us once more. Not in the flesh, but their animated facsimiles, voiced by Canadian comic actors Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis.

They invented the characters for the now legendary satirical SCTV skit “The Great White North” in 1980 and portrayed them in the feature film Strange Brew three years later. And they will be up to their old antics when The Animated Adventures of Bob & Doug McKenzie goes to air in Canada on the Global network in January.

Of course what they’re not telling you is that like all our childhood characters they’re coming back edgier, grittier and more eXtreme then we remember. For instance the fist episode has Bob and Doug going to Kandahar for a beer and bacon run.

NSFW but pretty LOL

Unless your employer is a Scottish pub that caters to heroin junkies I would not play this at work but you should play it at some point.